Finding Ways To Feel Gratitude and Joy In the Midst of This Unexpected Journey: Staying in The Present

Once we got the first MCI diagnosis, I knew that Woody would be changing. How quickly, I didn’t know, I just knew it’d come and I needed to prepare. I did what you’d expect: I began to identify and gather supportive friends and the professionals I’d need, I grieved, and I educated myself.

I knew there’d be challenges; I wanted to be prepared. What I didn’t expect was how this illness would change me: my priorities, my focus, my interests. The way I spend my days, the books I’m reading, even the new friends I’m gathering all play a role in changing me. Besides having taken over the cooking, here are some of the changes:

Dementia has taught me to live more in the present. We live day to day, hour by hour sometimes; it’s not a bad way to live actually.

I’m a big Be Here Now person; still, I enjoy the excitement of eager anticipation. These are fewer and fewer but having something FOR ME to look forward to is important. A year ago, I considered moving. After all, we’re getting older and this property doesn’t take care of itself; besides, we’re pretty isolated up here on the mountain.

It was exciting for a bit to explore our options. Where would we go?

Would we stay here in Vermont where we’ve lived longer than at any other time in either of our lives? I discovered there wasn’t any housing supply to choose from, whether a retirement community, a small house on a small city plot, a condo, an apartment; so many choices, so little availability. The housing crisis thrives throughout Vermont.

Would it be Philadelphia, where our life together began and we still have connections. Again, no; everything is far more expensive than I’d expected.

Ohio, where my sons grew up and still lived, became the default choice. While I had never felt at home during the 23 years I lived in Ohio, I discovered that housing there was cheaper and supply was greater. That I’d be closer to my sons was an added bonus. Then I remembered my sons were focused on their own dad, then in the very late stages of Alzheimer’s; there was no way, I’d move to Ohio.

Besides, our Advanced Directives have Woody and me buried here on our 30 acres.

The search was exciting actually. And the memories of it help as we continue to live the life we have here in Vermont’s Green Mountains. I’m grateful we can hire the help we need as we both become unable to prepare for winter in the fall, plow or shovel in the winter, repair the winter damage and garden in the spring. Summer is an unequivocal joy. Unless we have flooding again.

Oops. How easy it is to get away from the present moment, today. So, I remember the value of staying in the present. I’m content.

Being back to blogging has been exciting, too. Writing has long been therapeutic for me. I’m excited by the choices I must make: of all the writing I’ve done over the past two years, what shall I focus on for this next blog? I enjoy that. At some point these old ones will all be posted and I’ll need to start writing of my current life.

I’m making a “Dementia” playlist on Spotify. That’s fun. It began a few weeks ago when I heard the old “Walk Right Back” by The Everly Brothers.

Sure, the words don’t fit exactly. And there are days when its depressing message is not the one I need. But there are other days, too. The list is currently at 36 songs. John Waite’s “Missing You” is the latest song added.

In between I’ve got Lyle Lovett, Bonnie Raitt, Bruce Springsteen, Jelly Roll, Jesse Winchester, Van Morrison, The Beatles, The Wailin’ Jennys, REO Speedwagon, Neil Young, Prince, and Chris Smithers. It runs the gamut.

Music, writing, and eager anticipation for something new, these and more help me feel grounded in the day, in the moment. And laughter; how very grateful I am for my friends who help me laugh.

NEXT TIME: one more Finding Ways to Feel Gratitude and Joy. This time, it’s Knowing Myself Better.